Hope

I regret to inform you that this has been a most tragic week in our household. This is very difficult, but here goes...

On Monday, Ellice didn't feel the baby move very much, and with motherly concern and intuition knew that something was wrong. We went to the OB-Gyn in Lexington; there was a strong heartbeat, but the baby responded 'sluggishly'. The thinking was that Ellice was dehydrated, and they carted her over to the hospital, 50 feet from the office. Within a few minutes of arriving in the hospital room, they did an exam and had trouble finding the heartbeat that was so strong moments before. Within minutes, chaos erupted and all hell broke loose.
People were bustling about prepping Ellice for an emergency c-section, as the baby's heart rate had fallen from 133 over at the other office to 35, and finally to nothing. A blizzard of papers were thrown my way to hastily sign, and then the question no husband/expectant father ever wants to hear, we can operate, putting your wife at risk, but even if we bring your baby back, it will have been ten to fifteen minutes without a heartbeat. The damage will be so severe to make long term survival improbable. I told them to stop.

The doctors involved were shocked at what had happened, as there was no indication of what had happened and the one who had examined her said he'd never seen the situation degrade that fast from the office to the hospital in 22 years of practice.

So, we lost the baby at 33 weeks in utero and we still have to deliver. They tried to induce for a couple of days, but Ellice's body wasn't ready. Unfortunately, the drugs caused her to 'hyperstim' (hyperstimulate); instead of regular contractions, she had grand maul 10-15 minute contractions. There also was a delay in getting the epidural. Which was a mixed blessing. Without the pain, we may not have called in the doctor for what came next. She was having complications, so, long story short, on Wednesday we have the c-section anyway. At least this time, it wasn't as hurried as it might have been. I stayed with her in the OR, through the whole thing. So the hospital kept us for another three days.

To sum up, we got a lot of visits from church, friends, family, and chaplains to help us in our hours of grief. We decided to name the baby Hope, for we have hope for a better tomorrow.
We spent some time with our daughter, watched our favorite movie, the Princess Bride. A fairy tale we treasure sharing with her forever. She was in our lives only for a little while, but she is a blessing to us. The pain is incredible, and looking down on her I could tell that she really is our child. And they were right, when you have your own, you know exactly how to hold them; it feels so natural.

The nursing staff consoled us, and gave us a memory box with pictures, footprints and locks of hair from our little Hope (and did she have some hair, let me tell you). We never found out what went wrong, but they are still running tests. We most likely will never know.

We are home now (Saturday), and have some very difficult times ahead of us. We appreciate all the thoughtful gifts, cards, support, prayers and remembrances we have received over the past week. God Bless